description of love is from the movie Captain Corelli's Mandolin

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

How to Find True Love

Personal Story

I spent most of my time in my late teens and early twenties on finding love, or so I thought at the time. In actuality I was seeking self-acceptance, approval and identity. I was deeply insecure and had a great fear of being alone. I jumped from relationship to relationship, all the while searching for myself. But the act of seeking self-worth through my external relationships took me further from that which I longed.
I’ve always been an ambitious person and in addition to my job, I’ve often worked on side projects and other interests. But whenever I found myself in a relationship, I would drop everything that was important to me and would focus exclusively on the person I was dating. You see, I didn’t respect myself, and I thought that finding someone to love me was more important than anything else. During these time-consuming romantic courtships, I was distancing myself further from my passions, my purpose and my true self.
Looking back, I had entered many of these relationships out of infatuation or loneliness. It was the fear of abandonment or the guilt of obligation that kept me in these relationships. I often got into and remained involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. I would convince myself that no one else out there would love me, and so I settled. Despite my surface appearance, I was deeply unhappy.
My freedom day came roughly two years ago. In a state of deep depression over unsatisfied relationships and through a growing despise of my gross dependencies on them, a miraculous understanding came to me and I experienced a moment of clarity. At that moment I made a vow to end the pain. (Read my detailed journal entry from that day here.)
I started to devour as much material and wisdom as I could find on the topic of relationships, and studied (and continue to study) with relationship expert Alison Armstrong. I have come a long way from being that insecure little girl, and have learned much about myself in the process. Most importantly I discovered that once I started to truly love myself, and to focus on my own inner peace and wellness, true love came looking for me.

Problematic Relationship Patterns

Let’s first look at some common relationship problems and why many romantic partnerships do not work out.

1. Ego, Fear, & Emotional Insecurities

As with material possessions or professional achievements, relationships give our ego a method by which to identify who we are to the outside world. The problem is that we attach so much of our identity to the external appearance of our relationships that we lose touch with the parts of ourselves that are wise and conscious. The attachment to this false identity leads to a feeling of desperation rather than fulfillment. After all, without the relationship, or the job, or whichever other false identity we have chosen, who would we be?
Besides the ego identification, it’s easy to develop a dependency on companionship. That independent person that we once were starts to evaporate. Our mind becomes fogged and as our self-identification begins to attach itself to the other person, unconsciously or consciously, we become afraid to lose that person. We become dependent on that person and fearful of loneliness.
Out of our emotional insecurities, we start to become needy and to seek out validation from our partner. So, instead of focusing on the celebration of love and partnership, it becomes a game of how to protect ourselves from loss.

2. Communication of Needs

Out of a desire to avoid appearing needy and out of a fear of losing our partner, we start to filter what we say. In doing so, we do not communicate our needs clearly, openly or bravely. We somehow become convinced that our partner will magically know what to do to fulfill our needs. When our needs are not met, we secretly blame the other person and begin to resent them. When we are unhappy, our partner will pick up on the cues, and in turn, secretly resent us, thus starting a vicious cycle in the silent destruction of a romantic partnership.
So much of what needed to be said was not said, and bad feelings are bottled up and start to accumulate for both parties. Have you ever had a friend come to you and complain about all of the things they are unhappy about with their partner? Those are the kinds of things they should be telling their partner, if they actually want a change.
Worse yet is when one partner openly communicates their needs only to find that the other party is simply not listening, or does not fully acknowledge what was said, or makes them feel guilty for having those needs.

3. Bad Fit and Settling by Default

Deep down, we are all really good people. But this doesn’t mean that any combination of two good people will make a good partnership. There is such thing as a bad fit, and it is okay to admit it.
The best fits are ones where the most important values for both people are met. They must have life goals that align with one another and have a mutual attraction, understanding, and level of respect for each other. Both people must be committed to making the partnership their top priority.
Sometimes, even when we realize that our relationship isn’t a good fit, we justify staying in it with what seem like logical reasons. We may feel that we won’t find another person who accepts and loves us as much as the current partner. Or we may be afraid to be alone, so we simply settle by default. Each time we are reminded of the bad fit, we brush it under the rug and distract ourselves with some other thought.
We may feel that we are doing a service to the other person by staying in the relationship, but in reality, we are hurting them by not being honest with them and ourselves. And we are accumulating bad feelings and bad energy in our inner space.

Who Is Your Ideal Mate?

We all have a rough idea of what our perfect partner is like: beautiful, or smart, or rich, or educated, or tall, or petite, or pale, or dark, or handsome, or fit, with this car, or with that house or whatever else that strikes our fancy.

Photo: Emily Helen, The Best Kauai Wedding Photographer
The problem comes when we find ourselves in a relationship and we are constantly comparing our partners with this conjured-up ‘perfect’ person. When that happens, we stop appreciating our partner for all the beautiful qualities they do possess.
The truth is this perfect person does not exist. More importantly, we may not actually need all of these qualities in a partner to be extraordinarily happy.
What we need is to identify the most important qualities that we must have in order to feel satisfied and fulfilled (more on creating a must-have list below). By not having identified the must-have qualities in our chosen life partner, we end up settling, and since the person cannot give us the things we truly need, we start to resent them. This will snowball into larger issues.
For example, if height is something that is really important to you, and your partner does not meet that height requirement, regardless of how much they try, they will never grow taller or shrink shorter, and this will bug you and affect your union.
In life, we will get random results if we have not specified what we want. Identifying and understanding what it is that we need in a relationship, allows us to set clear intentions, and in doing so, moves us closer to realizing our intended desires.

Identifying Must-Haves

Here’s a very affective exercise that I picked up from Alison Armstrong that will help you discover and identify the must-have qualities in your partner. I highly recommend taking at least 10 minutes to go through this, even if you are presently in a relationship.
Grab a pen and some paper. Find a place where you won’t be interrupted. Turn off the phone, the TV, the computer.
Ready? Here we go:

Step 1. The Perfect Image

On a blank piece of paper, list out all the qualities that your ideal partner will have. What kind of characteristics and qualities do you truly desire? Be creative and open. Use a bullet pointed list, not sentences. List out as many as possible, and use as many pieces of paper as needed.
Be as specific as you can. Get into details like physical attributes, values, lifestyle, views on money, spiritual beliefs, personality traits, hobbies, abilities, age, habits, profession, tastes, etc.
For physical attributes, include things like height, weight, body type, hair color, ethnicity, or anything that you would want if you had your choice in creating your ideal partner.

Step 2. Minimum Requirements (MR)

Minimum requirements are qualities you need from your partner, and without them, you will feel unwell or unsatisfied.
Go through each quality from step 1 and test it with this question:

“Would I rather be alone than be with a person who wasn’t [insert quality]?”

If the answer is yes, mark MR next to the quality, otherwise, leave it blank.
Don’t worry if your list sounds superficial or ridiculous. One MR item on my list is “Great dancer with rhythm and groove”, which may seem like a trivial or petty quality for some people, but is a deal breaker for me.

Step 3. Screening MRs

Now, filter through the MR list, for each item with the MR label, ask the following question:

“If a person had all the other qualities on my MR list, am I willing to let this quality go?”

If the answer is yes, cross out that MR.

The Selection Process

I believe it is crucial to identify and clearly communicate our relationship expectations and personal timelines early on in the dating phase. So often, we get into relationships with silent expectations of a future event that is important to us, thinking that our partner will come around to it when the time is right, only to find out several years later that things will never work out the way we expected. Some common unspoken issues of this nature revolve around marriage, children, financial goals, and even which city you settle down in.
First, be clear with yourself on these types of issues. Understand what kind of commitment you are looking for in a relationship, how you feel about children and where you plan to live. There are no wrong answers, but be honest and specific about what you are looking for in the current stage of your life.
Next, tell yourself that on all of your first dates, you will be clear with people about your relationship expectations and timeline, if any. It can be a scary and awkward experience at first, but it will become less of a nerve racking experience over time. And just think of all the time and emotional energy you are saving by being open from the get-go, instead of setting silent expectations that can lead to disappointment.

Photo by Mike BG
On my first dates with any guy, I found that telling them my expectations was pretty nerve-racking, especially for men I was really attracted to, since they could potentially run the other way. I would begin to tell myself that this would be too much of a shocking conversation for most people to handle on a first date. Why not just wait until date 5 or 6, when I know that he really likes me? The answer is that by then I would have emotionally attached myself to this person and would then be in a situation where I would either have to settle for less than what I wanted, or break it off. It would have been much better to have learned on the first date whether or not we were a good fit.

Personally, I was looking for a husband and to start a family. I would tell them that I wanted to get married before I turned 30 and to start making babies within two years of getting married. Oh, and I would also like to have two children. “Are you okay with that timeline?” I would ask them. The men who were okay with my timeline stayed and the ones who weren’t went away. No hurt feelings and everyone wins.
Many of us have latched onto this concept of finding “the one” person out there for us, and so we linger in every relationship that pops up, fearing that we might miss out on “the one”. Think about the fact that there are 6.8 billion people on the planet. Doesn’t it make more sense that “the one” is more likely to be “the one-hundred-thousand”? I genuinely believe that there are a countless number of people out there who will be great fits for us, and it’s just a matter of filtering through potential partners until we find one of them.
As such, communicating your desires, needs and expectations, ahead of time, becomes crucial. For example, if having children is of utmost importance to you and your partner is set against having kids, then likely the relationship will not last and both parties are wasting time in the process.
Dating shouldn’t be about settling out of a fear that a better fit might not come along. I believe that dating is about identifying the qualities you need in a person and in a relationship, and then “filtering” through as many people as it takes until you find someone who possesses all the important qualities that you need.
Have you ever had the experience of shopping for a car, and found that once you targeted in on the exact make, model, and color you wanted, you began to see that car everywhere? From my personal experience, I found that once I became clear with what I needed and expected in a partner and in a relationship, more eligible bachelors who had those qualities started showing up in my life.

Love Yourself First

As I mentioned in the article How to Overcome Breakups, the art of loving yourself is not only important in the healing process from love lost, but also in finding love. I believe that we cannot truly allow others to love us, until we first love ourselves.
Another way of looking at this is to imagine each person in a relationship as a wooden stick. If one person is independent and the other is dependent, it’s like one stick is standing perfectly vertical and the second stick is leaning against the vertical stick. If the vertical stick moves horizontally, the leaning stick will fall. When two people are both independent and joined together through love, it’s like two sticks standing vertically. When they join together, they become a larger and stronger stick and they become interdependent and stronger. If one stick moves horizontally, the other stick will move with it.
Practice loving yourself: take yourself on a date, do things that please and relax you, spend quality time with yourself, write love letters to yourself, practice saying and feeling “I love you” in the mirror.

Photo: Nathiya Prathnadi
Additionally, the practice of loving yourself makes you a more attractive person to the outside world.
When you truly love yourself, you will exude and spread a magnetic energy to those around you. Before you know it, you will be surrounded by those attracted to you for who you really are.

Forgiving Our Ex’s

When we hold onto unresolved issues from previous relationships, they become emotional baggage in our future relationships. I’ve found forgiving your ex’s to be a liberating exercise that contributes to the wellbeing of yourself and your future relationships.
A few years ago I sat down with, or phoned, several of my ex-boyfriends, and apologized for hurt feelings I may have caused, and expressed and forgave them for my own hurt feelings from the relationship. This experience brought closure to those relationships, removed the baggage, and allowed new friendships to develop.

A Few Words On Sex

For those of us who are sexually active, I would like to point out one thing. When you have an orgasm, there is a chemical change that takes place in your body. In particular, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin that binds you emotionally to the other person. For a man, the effects of this hormone last for 48 hours. For a woman, the effects last for 14 days.
This explains why, after having sex with someone who is clearly a bad fit for us, we can end up in a relationship with them, even if it’s for a short amount of time. Far too often, these relationships can turn into long term relationships that ultimately end badly.
It is recommended by relationship experts to not have sex during your dating and selection process unless you are okay with being emotionally bound to that person or having that person be emotionally bound to you for 14 days. Alison recommends not having sex with someone unless they fit all the qualities on your MR list.
For more information on this topic, read chapter four of “The Female Brain“, by Dr. Louann Brizendine.

Parting Words

People often ask, “Where should I go to find this person?” The logical answer provided by most is to go to places where such a person would hang out, but this practice can often lead to disappointment. My suggestion is to go through the exercises above to gain clarity on what you need and the types of relationships you want. Then spend time practicing the art of self-loving, while being open to the idea of your ideal mate entering your life. I would not actively seek it. Instead spend your efforts on self development.
As with all things of the heart, there is an ingredient of magic in finding love. There are no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. Love is beautiful and unpredictable. The best thing we can do is to start to become the most outstanding person possible. The universe will know when we are ready, and when we are, true love will happen, unexpectedly.

Why True Love Is So Hard To Find

In our counseling work with our clients here at  FusionMasters TM Ltd., we have run into one main issue that keeps repeating itself.  That issue is 'how to find true love'.  Below are some of the reasons that we have received from our clients that they have found to block them on their journey to find true love. 1. Mother and Father programs. We all had someone, or a group of someone's that raised us.  They had problems that someone gave to them in their early childhood.  These  subconscious  blocks  and  programs,  are  handed  down, through day today contact with the same people.  Depending on who raised you, and what they carried, you also have the identical blocks and programs in your subconscious mind.  Regardless of the fact that you might have said:  "No matter what, I will not be like THEM!  You inwardly, copied  their deep subconscious beliefs, and recorded it in your own mind.  When 2 people get married, they are  generally  O.K. for about a year.  It is after this time, that the subconscious blocks and programs start to surface.  Even if you have a true love relationship, or that possibility, this will happen.  Soon, you are wondering who the heck  you married. "I didn't  notice THAT when we were dating!" Is a common statement, that we hear.  But, what you really don't like about your partner, is their Mother and Father blocks and programs, their subconscious childhood programming.  This programming is part of the karmic burden, that they are working on in this life time.  And, the problems begin  in a relationship,  when these programs start to surface so that  the person  can work  through them.  And, who do we play these old programs on, but the very person, we love and trust the most, our mate.
2. The Munchkins.   Next, a little passenger shows up.   The parent  programs that you  transferred to your partner, you are now also saying and doing to your child.  Sad.  This is what you swore that you would never, ever, do! You might stuff some these programs, but when they come out you don't like what you are saying and doing and worse yet, you can't seem to stop!  Tears come, or a new drinking habit materializes, because you just can't take it.  You are now beginning to realize that you have a big problem, and the problem is inside. You try to stop.  But, you soon find, yourself repeating the same copied rage over, and over again. You might mistreat your mate, you might mistreat your children, and you hate yourself for what you are doing, and saying.   Most of the population never do any work on themselves, and a few start, and soon give up on therapy.  Only to become a hardening copy, of their own parents over time. Most stay within this loss of identity for life, believing that there is no way out.  This is the mind's way of keeping control.
3. Self Hatred. When you are not able to be yourself, and to communicate as yourself, you soon start a struggle with your mind, and ego.  My husband also had a struggle with his mind, and his parents inside of him.  We were a dysfunctional couple, and our little family was also dysfunctional. Neither of us realized that the whole world was based on dysfunctional programs, that were handed down from parents to children.  We didn't know that the difficulties that we were experiencing, the neighbors next door were dealing with as well. In our childhood homes we had learned about rage, self hatred, and self anger.  When rage, and self hatred live inside of us it takes up the space where self love
could exist. 4. Divorce.At some point you reach the conclusion that your marriage sucks, and that you want out of it. You might have slept with someone else, or you new, favorite past time, might be bitching about what a loser your partner is.  All women have universal man hating programs, and they are notorious for complaining to other women about their spouse.   New fantasies about having sex or a relationship with someone new might become common place.  Soon, one of you, either yourself or your spouse, is more fed up than the other, and  goes  to see a lawyer and files for divorce.  Let the games begin.  During the divorce process, and after the divorce, you might fluctuate between sadness, and lashing out at your ex-spouse....the person that you once believed walked on water.  Some how, in your confusion and pain, you forgot who your partner was, who you are, and who your children are.  The problem is still inside. 5. The Warehouse.  There is a second, Big  'D'.    That  would be known as depression.  Depression, is really just another name for anger, and for feeling used, let down or betrayed.  The trust was broken in the relationship but, most likely by both parties.   A deep hurt prevails.  At the center of this vast hurt, is what We call the "Warehouse". The warehouse is the store room of all your past life hurts and this life hurts. When we go through a big trauma,  like a divorce, this warehouse opens up.  That is why the pain can be excruciating.  You are not only feeling the loss of love from the adult relationship dying, you are also feeling ALL of your childhood hurts, and even past life pain.  The pain is excruciating, and over overwhelming.  If you have abandonment issues, you might also feel, the severe loss of love, from your early childhood.
6. The Cross Roads. Now you come to a new place in your life. You can continue to create more of the same, and end up going through a second divorce with someone that will most likely be very much like your first partner........Or.  You might turn to a new religion.  This may not be a religious path like becoming a member of the Catholic Church.  This is a new, inner, religion is to find out: "Who The Heck Am I?"  This is not an ordinary religion.  This religion has to do with finding the true altar within, your true Self.  You looked for you, in money, and for some reason, you weren't there.  You looked for you, in your work, and again, you were not there.  You looked for you in a life partner, and the above story blew that away.  But, some place, inside of you, on one of those very dark nights, when you thought you might be better off to just "check out", something very good happened.   Maybe in the dark of the night, came one of those Great Souls from the other side, who whispered gentle divine messages to you.  Messages, that you thought were your own thoughts.  Whatever method Spirit chose to talk to you, you were given the gift of  'the cross roads'.   The cross roads, is the realization that you have the choice to either create more chaos in your life or that you can turn your attention towards discovering your own identity.
7. The Seeker.   Perhaps you have come to this web site, because you are looking. You are looking for love, or your are looking for self love.   You might have been on the path for a long time, or maybe a year or two.  You might just be starting to look for you, now.  You have many battle scars on your heart, but you forge ahead.   You are now, 10 times the person that you were when you were a small child, though you may not be at all aware of the changes in yourself.   To become the receiver of love, you know that you will have to work on learning to give real love.  You might be a meditator, a member of  a new age religion, or you have attended a ton of personal growth seminars.  You might be at a point where you could give a seminar.   And, it would most likely be a good one.  You have been through many battles of the ego, and you have won battles, and others, you are still fighting.  You finally realized that to have, and keep true love, that you had to develop a love relationship with YOU, first.  You are now the Knight, no matter if you are male or female, and you are ready to receive true love. 8. Is Some Body Out There! You are now a prime candidate for  a true love relationship.  But, there is one last hurdle, to jump over.  Because of all of the work that you have done on your SELF, you are now too far above the majority of the population.   You are not willing to accept a partner that has not done the same work, that you have done. That would be going down hill.  And, people like you, are very hard to find.  Celibacy, is not your cup of tea.  You miss touch terribly.  But, you would rather be celibate, and have a great time in the shower,  than hook up with a partner, that doesn't know who the heck THEY ARE.   But, you realize that you are on the last part of your Journey and you also know that you only need 1 person, and only 1, and that they are out THERE.   And, they are looking for YOU. 9. True Love.  By now, you might have learned to love, and care for yourself.  You get bummed out sometimes but you know that everyone does.  You take responsibility for your emotions, and your life.  You care about you.  You might even know something about unconditional love.  You are now ready, so in walks your life partner ... Like attracts like, and like you, they are thrilled.  They knew that they had to do their homework.  They knew about the cross roads, and the effort that it takes to become a magnet for love.  Like you, they found the religion of the Self, and worked hard to unravel the ego.  Like you, they would not settle for less, they waited, and searched.   Like you, they are in ecstasy,  knowing that they really have found   "The One" - YOU!  You are realizing a dream, your wish made manifest after so many painful years of searching.  Now, the 2 of you can share the real Journey, the Journey Home to God. Your Life Journey, might have other twists than the above story.  You might have loved yourself  enough to NOT have to go through  some of these stages.  Maybe you went through them in another life.  You might be experiencing one of these stages right now.  You might have already found true love.  For those of those of you that have found true love, you already have your Blessings. For those of you, who are on the Journey to find your True Love....... you have ours.
Whitneay T. Vanwells
END.

Forever Yours

I want you to know
I don't want you to go
I don't want to go
I want love to grow
Our love was meant to be
Forever was and Forever will be
I'm so tired I can hardly see
But my heart does see what is in front of me
My whole self exists only with your love
You are me
I am you
We, are true.
And baby, I really, really, love you.

Always with u

The day I met you
was the rest of forever.
When I looked in your eyes,
I knew everything would be better.

I've had my heart broken
by so many guys.
It hurts so bad
that I've got tears in my eyes.

I knew you were special
and would always be there.
You wouldn't lie or hurt me,
because we are the perfect pair.

Just by the way
you held my hand,
I knew you were the one,
who would always understand.

Sometimes when I sleep,
I dream about you,
and when I wake up,
I wonder if you had that dream too.

There isn't one day that passes,
that I don't think about you and me.
I wish I could look into the future,
but now is all I see.

I worry about being lonely
and having no one to love.
That is why I make this wish
to the stars above:

"Starlight, star bright,
all the stars in the sky tonight,
I wish I may I wish I might
always have someone to hold me tight.

And if I must die;
if I have to depart,
please don't let me die
with a broken heart.

When I'm an angel,
please give me a star,
so I can watch the one I love,
from afar.

If it is possible,
give me wings to fly,
so I can cry the rain
with the tears in my eyes.

And give me one day
in heaven I can miss,
just to see him,
and get just one kiss."

What would life be like,
without you here by my side,
it would be like
a roller coaster ride.

That is why I want to stay,
with me in your arms,
so my heart is safe,
and not able to be harmed.

So I tell you this now,
while these feelings are true,
in my heart and soul,
I truly and deeply love you!

All my love to you

You came into my life when I needed you the most
You offered me your heart,your support and held me so close.

You guided me out of all my misery
You cared, you listened and you set all of my worries free

You gave me strength when I was weak
You reached for my hand to guided me back on my feet.

You offered me your shoulder when I need to cry
You encouraged me to stay strong and to always try.

You are like a sweet angel from the sky
You bring me so much joy and you lift my spirits so high.

You always were the one that stood by me
You assured me how beautiful my life could be.

You took away all of my pain and sadness
You gave me hope and showed patiences and erased my sorrows and madness.

You have captured my heart and soul
You are what I need you know

You are truly my very best
You stand out above the rest.

You really mean the world to me
You are everthing what true love should be.

You are not only my friend and
lover
You are the one that I want to be with forever.

You are truly my one soul mate
You are my destiny, my everything and you are my faith.

Perfect Dream

A good friend of mine once told me that if you can focus on a dream and keep it within your sight unconditionally, that dream can become a reality. I believe this to every extent, but there is one dream that sheer belief cannot achieve. This is to fall in love...

...To find someone who you can trust enough to give all of yourself. Someone whose eyes can lose you and all the same can lead you in the right directions. Someone to cherish, to want, to need... to complete you and help you find your place. Someone blind of your imperfections, def to words untrue, but able to hear unspoken thoughts and see untold dreams.

Belief on its own will not bring you love, but love will give birth to new belief that budding dreams may bloom. You are my belief. You're my strength and my wisdom. My friend... my best friend... my perfect dream... and I love you.

Night Call

the wind is blowing,
the birds are chirping,
the smell is sweet,
and my heart is beating,
can you,
really can you help me now
your soul interwined with mine
and carried it to a hidden paradise,
unmistakablely true how the sky now turns to majestic shades of blue,
your touch,
your touch shakes me as hard as an earthquake,
your words,
oh your words create an unbreakable force field to shield my heart from pain,
rain, rain never falls here,
looking in your eyes is soaring through heaven for all eternity,
how do I know this is you,
oh I see it is the way the birds sing harmoniously when they see your face,
it is the way the stars shine brightly as if they were the sun,
it is the way my soul longs for you so,
you are here for me,
my soul mate,
listen to my night call,
Listen, Listen,
Can you hear me calling,
Can you follow it's sound?

Soul mate quotes

for more inspiration.

Elizabeth Gilbert

American author, journalist


"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."

Dante Gabriel Rossetti

British poet, artist

"I have been here before, but when or how I cannot tell:
I know the grass beyond the door,
The sweet keen smell, the sighing sound, the lights around the shore.
You have been mine before - How long ago I may not know:
But just when at that swallow's soar, your neck turned so,
Some veil did fall, - I knew it all of yore."

Richard Gere

American actor, humanitarian



"When someone has a strong intuitive connection, Buddhism suggests that it's because of karma, some past connection."

3 Super Hot Tips For How to Meet Your Soul Mate

Many women, and for that matter, many men, are searching for their soul mate. When they approach me to be their Romance Coach to help them get married, they want to meet Their Soul Mate.
The first thing I recommend my clients consider in this QUEST for ROMANTIC LOVE is to understand there is more than one person out there who would mesh well with you romantically.
Mind blowing concept, isn't it?
Many, many people believe in the idea of "The One." They have an image of an Ideal, a PERFECT person, instead of a Real Person who is the Best Mate for THEM. When they do this, immediately they massively limit themselves from 1. getting more dates, 2. building their relationship communication skill set, and 3. recognizing geniune LOVE when it crosses their path.
Next, you must TAKE ACTION.
Yes, we are to be feminine ladies, and men ask US out. However, ladies, we MUST TAKE ACTION. Otherwise, it's a fantasy.
1. LOOK YOUR BEST! You don't have to be a GQ model or be a Super Model on the front of "Cosmopolitan" to get dates. However, single guys and gals want you to make an effort to look your best, you're very best you. Meet with an image consultant. Work with personal shoppers. Go to the salon and get a hair style update so you look your best.
2. GET OUT THERE! I will have this as a regular feature in my weekly newsletter, so you do want to sign up to receive that. To give you some ideas for now for more places to MEET MEN.
* Attend Business and Technology Networking events. Trust me. You would not BELIEVE how many more men there always are at BUSINESS events. I attend these at least weekly if not more than 1 a week. Mix it up.
* Attend a SCOTCH tasting event
* Go out to dinner with your girlfriends. I love to gaggle with large groups of my girlfriends and to mix things up. But really, when your goal (the goal of ALL your GFs with whom you go out, yes?) is to meet men while you are socializing with Da Girlz, then go in SMALL packs of women. It's too overwhelming for men to gaze upon a group of 17 women and pick one out. Now a group of 3... that's so much easier for them!
3. FLIRT, Baby, FLIRT!
* By all means, DO FLIRT! Flirting is an attitude and action. Flirt with your eyes, making eye contact and smiling. When the two of your speak, banter and also be mysterious, creating flirtatious curiosity.
* Now ladies, we can flirt in attire and in demeanor. Are you leveraging both?
Gentlemen, you too!
Look your best
Get out and meet people
and Flirt, baby, flirt!
And you'll be well on the way to attracting your soul mate, because you'll be being your best you!
Happy Dating

Three levels of Soul mates

From my own personal experience of being involved in certain relationships, I have come to realize there are three different levels of Soul Mates. We discussed Soul Mates in a previous article of mine, 'Soul Mates - Do they really exists" now we should keep our eyes open and pay closer attention to our relationships, in order that we might recognize those soul mates.
Soul mates have different tasks to fulfill in your life, and likewise theirs. It is not always the case that these relationships will exist on a level where 'physical' interaction is involved and this should not be confused with their initial task toward you. Some Soul Mates are here only to serve as being a link between two other Soul Mates of theirs in the first place. This alone is a very important and significant task, as without that link the reunion of the other souls might not ever happen. We will identify with the different characteristics of those Soul Mates together and you should, therefore, be able to detect some of them who are present in your life at this time.
As you can see, there is no limit to what a true Soul Mate might do in order to provide their support and, on many occasions, it is not fully understood why they do so. You might question my statement and wonder why a Soul Mate will give up his or her own Soul Mate to provide a link for someone else to move on in! I mean is this not the dream we are searching for all of our lives? Well, that's beauty of Soul Mate, that is, unconditional love!
Soul Mates are a universal flow of untapped energy that we can relate to as love and many of us do not understand the meaning of this. It is the same thing we keep avoiding all our life when we don't invest ourselves fully in our relationships anyway! On an unconscious level, Soul Mates tap into that energy of unconditional love.
Regardless of the level of your Soul Mate, it does not mean in any way or form that Soul Mates have to be involved in a physical relationship in order for them to be together. In any of those levels, it is very easy to fall into the trap of taking things for granted. This should be avoided at all costs. Both Soul Mates have to be ready to embark into their journey together, and this is very important for the relationship to succeed.
Here are the three levels of Soul Mates I have come to realize and understand through experiences of my own:
Level One: Your mirrored image – These are a rare example. However, it is possible that they do exist in each of our lives at one point or another. We might have one or two in a lifetime from this category, if we are lucky! What makes them special? Soul Mates of this sort come into our life in a fast, weird and unexpected way. The situations and events in our lives begin to change of their own accord, in order to accommodate the arrival and the reunion of both Souls. In such a case such as this, it is can almost be said that it is 'written in the stars!' Both Souls have to be ready for each other, as I did explain before it is not enough to sustain the relationship at its full potential, only by existing as Soul Mates. This level is the strongest and most powerful type of Soul Mates. They do have many similar interests and share an almost equal interest in their life direction. They will think alike, and in many cases will be able to continue speaking a sentence where the other one has left off. They are a mirror of each other, although they do not have to be exactly the same. However, each one compliments the other with their individual strengths and weaknesses and they will understand each other by being on same 'wavelength'.
Level Two: Your Supporter – Soul Mates of this sort are everywhere around you. Try to take deeper look at the people who surround you. Just look around when you are in dire need of help or guidance in a 'life or death' situation or at a time when you have a heavy burden on your shoulders. Who is around you and ready to listen to you when you really need their assistance? Think of the people who bring you comfort and peace when you need it, or who answer your call when you need some help. These types of Soul Mates do have unconditional love towards each other which can sometimes be difficult to comprehend. Is there someone in your life, of whom, you can relate to being there in that fashion?
Level Three: Your Provider – We encounter these types of Soul Mates in situations that might feel 'weird' or perhaps in some un-expected places. We like to refer to them, sometimes, as being our angels. If they occur, they usually will not stay in our lives for a great length of time. You might come across a Soul Mate of this kind when you are just wondering along the street, thinking away to yourself and from nowhere someone will provide with you a small message that will open up a possible answer to those 'thoughts' you have upon a certain circumstance in your life. These Soul Mates are placed on your path 'out of the blue' and we might never see their face again! We then carry on, feeling blessed at having had them in our life at that necessary moment. Their role is to provide us with an answer or a push toward making a small decision in order to keep us moving in our lives and struggles at that time. Can you relate to such an occurrence in your life?
I asked my guides the question, "will I ever meet my Soul Mates?" They replied, "You keep searching throughout your life for the perfect partner for you, but, have you ever questioned if you are a good example of a Soul Mate for someone else?" In reality, the importance is not in hunting to find the right Soul Mate or partner for you. The importance is in whether you yourself are willing to be the 'right' Soul Mate or partner for someone else! Life is a two way street, but, are you ready to be the right one for someone else?
In the end, we all can be the 'right' Soul Mate for anyone we choose in our life, but only when we are ready to treat our partner as a human being, as a soul and to cherish every moment spent with them. Also it is crucial that we learn to let go of the fact that we do have differences between us and any 'ego' that exists in any relationship. How ready are we? That's the bottom line! The search has to start from within ourselves first".
From my account of how Soul Mates exist in our lives, we can see that they are everywhere around us and we have been blessed since the day we were born! How much real attention do we pay to the people around us? I believe that most of the time we do take these people for granted! Why? One main reason is because we become too self-centered, leading to us disregarding those people around us who provide us with help, who listen to us and generally do sympathize with us in our time of need. After all, it is not only about providing someone with sympathy, but about acknowledging people for who they really are.
I would also like to mention here that any relationship that brings the union of 'Old Souls' is above all and the best time and example of soul mates being together, the reason being, for what they will bring to each other in terms of growth, understanding and appreciation. As a result of their union their wisdom, compassion, value of each other and evolution of consciousness will flourish in a way that would be almost impossible for them to achieve if they were united with another soul that is less highly evolved than what they are themselves. In such a case the older soul will always feel a huge gap or that there is something missing in the relationship in terms of their overall understanding and awareness of each other and it is only because the souls exist on two completely different levels of consciousness. I will not go into too much detail here on the subject of 'Old Souls' as I will have an article next month which focuses primarily on this topic.
At the end Soul Mate is about unconditional love. If you have that and you can provide that to anyone around and especially towards your partner, I believe you find your Soul Mate after all!
Wishing you all to be with your Soul Mates!

Romantic Soulmates Myths and Truths

A romantic soulmate is the one person that you are meant to live happily ever after with, right? Once you meet them, everything will fall into place and life will be wonderful, right?

Well - yes, and no. Let's take a look at some of the myths about romantic soulmates.

Myth #1:
We each have only one romantic soulmate during our lifetime.

True for some, not for others. Some people have one soulmate who they'll be with for most of their life. However, many of us have several romantic soulmates during a lifetime, at different times in our lives - each exactly who and what we need at that particular time. For instance, we may have a deep, meaningful relationship with one romantic soulmate, that relationship ends for whatever reason, and later we may meet another of our soulmates. Most people don't know exactly how many romantic soulmates they will have, or when they will show up.

Myth #2:
Romantic soulmates always live happily ever after.

Sometimes this is the case. Very often, though, soulmates will live "ever after" - with happiness, but also with some challenges. The challenges are what urge them to learn and grow, and often end up helping them love each other more deeply.

Myth #3:
Soulmates always end up together for the long-term.

Sometimes romantic soulmates live "happily" but not "ever after" - meaning that soulmate relationships are sometimes meant to last long-term, and sometimes for a shorter time.

A soulmate can be lost to illness, for instance. In some cases, a romantic soulmate relationship runs its course and it naturally ends after its purpose has been accomplished. Occasionally, a romantic soulmate will decide that the relationship is not worth the challenges it presents.

There is nothing that guarantees that a romantic soulmate relationship will be "all happiness" or will last a long time. Remember, though that in romantic soulmate relationships everything happens for a purpose - providing opportunities not only for love, but also for learning and growth.

Myth #4:
I'll recognize my romantic soulmate immediately when I meet them.

Occasionally this happens, where one or both soulmates recognize their soulmate right away. But not always.

Sometimes a person is expecting a certain "type" of person as their soulmate, and they don't recognize them when they show up. In some cases, they can't get past this expectation and they miss connecting with their soulmate altogether.

In some cases, it takes a while to discover that romantic soulmate connection - especially when the relationship starts out in another context such as "friends" or "co-workers."

Myth #5:
Once I'm with my romantic soulmate, everything will fall into place and life will be great.

Many aspect of life may be better, and you may be happier overall - but you will still have most of the same challenges in your life. You will still be running the same patterns you were before. Still have the same subconscious beliefs or tendencies for self-sabotage, for example. If the personal challenges were there before, they will very likely still be there after.